control freak

How many of you can relate to being a control freak? I know I can!

When I was in elementary school and we did group projects, I can remember getting an uncontrollable urge to take over. I would plan out what needed to be done, doling out responsibilities like nobody’s business. Of course, since my groupmates and I were at the tender age of six and seven, they didn’t really care that I had perfectly planned out exactly what we needed to do in order to achieve the highest grade possible, and we usually ended up dividing the work based on personal preference. At the time, it drove me absolutely insane that they couldn’t understand how simple the projects could have been if they’d only listened to my plan.

Who am I kidding? It still drives me insane. I’m a control freak by nature.

My anxiety puts me in a state of mind where I usually feel like everything in my life is out of my control. When I’m stressed, I cling to tiny things that I know I have complete control over, like what I wear in the morning, how I do my hair, or what I eat for lunch. Not gonna lie, this behavior can become destructive. I obsess over minor details, spending way too much time getting ready in the morning, in a feeble attempt to take control when I feel like everything is slipping out of my grasp.

My desire to control everything leads to me overthinking everything, and I don’t have enough time to go into how terrible overthinking is( future post idea??? Let me know in the comments!). In all honesty, starting this blog has helped me loosen up because I’ve started getting used to opening up to people. I have absolutely no control over who reads this post, outside of being able to delete comments (haven’t had to do that, thankfully!).

One of my goals going into the summer (and hopefully the rest of my life, but let’s not get too carried away!) is to learn how to relax in terms of control. I’m always so caught up in trying to micromanage my life, that I sometimes miss out on little things in my life. In order to break that cycle, I’ve got to loosen up a lot more, which is hard because it basically means I have to rewire my personality. But I’m up for the challenge because let’s be honest, is there a single person in the world whose personality couldn’t use a little positive adjustment?

Starting on June 1st, I’ll be posting one way to surrender some control in your life on my Instagram every day, so if you don’t already follow me, please do!
My blog account is @cam_notallinmyhead!

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